yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize