I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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