video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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