I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
