I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
