I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We named our party play list daddy issues
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
