okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
