If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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