Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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