Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize