The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
