also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
