apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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