I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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