were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
