oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize