so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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