They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
