i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sober January is a disaster.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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