Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize