I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
