worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want nice things and good sex
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
