if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
