I like my sex mixed with concussions.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
