I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
