i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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