and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
