There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
