Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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