Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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