I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
