So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize