I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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