How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
