Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
