My Higher Power is John Stamos
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
