im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
