We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
