My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so let's talk penis.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
