It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
