If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
