Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
