Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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