P.S. I can't hear my feet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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