Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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