Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
