Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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