my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
