$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
