Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
