this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
