Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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