i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
