My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
