woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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