she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
