The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
