you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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