Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
