I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
