i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
