bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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