thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
