haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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