So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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