Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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