so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I could fuck to npr.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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