my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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