Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
