Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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