A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There are leaves in my underwear?
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