Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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