My sheets look like a crime scene.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All the doctor said was why
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
