my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
