and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
youre lurking in front of me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is wine microwaveable?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
