new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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