Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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