Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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