Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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