this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
