he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
