I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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