I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
