You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
