This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
