So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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