FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
