Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
