Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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