I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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