I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
