In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sobbing to NWA
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
