have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize