im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
