big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
