id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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