im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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