I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
