the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
