thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize