is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
