Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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