Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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