I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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