Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
