A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize